By Jane Morris

If you’re one of the lucky schools that has a school nurse on staff, you’ve likely sent plenty of students there for various reasons. Whether they’re getting hurt at recess or start running a fever after lunch, kids constantly seem like they’re suffering some ailment. Not surprisingly, many students don’t have legitimate reasons to visit the school nurse. I’ve compiled this list of hilarious reasons students asked to go to the school nurse for your entertainment (and yes, these are real reasons!)

Reasons to Go to the School Nurse

I recently found out that many schools do not have a nurse or medical professional on the premises. At first, this seemed terrible. But when I asked a few school nurses for their favorite excuses that students give for visiting their office, I see that most of their time is probably spent telling kids they are fine, explaining to them that their supposed illnesses or ailments are not actually possible, and sending them back to class.

It’s funny that teachers even allow them to leave class for these reasons, but you know they just need a break from the kid who has an itchy tooth.

The words School Nurse on a wooden door.

Students’ Reasons to See the School Nurse

School nurses have heard their fair share of excuses for why students are suddenly sitting in their office, but these take the cake as the most ridiculous. I’ve grouped them into 4 basic “body sections”: eyes and ears, appendages, stomach, and just downright random reasons that can’t be grouped into any specific category.

Eyes and Ears

While there are many orifices on one’s body, for some reason kids seem to always have the biggest issues with their eyes and ears. Check out these wonderful examples.

  • Looked at the sun at recess, and I keep seeing spots.
  • Pringle in eye.
  • Eye hurts from homemade arrow that hit eye one year ago.
  • I popped a pimple in my ear.
  • My dog has worms. I think I have them too. I feel them in my eyes.

Appendages

Arms, legs, hands, and feet are especially susceptible to coming down with some pain or itch that apparently warrants a trip to the nurses’ office.

  • Feet itch.
  • Sucking on arm. Left a mark.
  • Tight pants.
  • My shoes are too big.
  • Hand glued shut.
  • I got yogurt in my shoe.

Stomach

Dear me, why, WHY do children have to lick and eat so many awful things? Honestly, I don’t blame the teachers for sending the kids out of their classroom for a few of these. I wouldn’t want to deal with them either.

  • Farted and it smelled really bad.
  • Ate a rock.
  • Has to fart.
  • My poop is like water!
  • Ate a snail.
  • I had a sharp, sideways poop.
  • Ate cupcake wrapper.

School nurse smiling at a little girl.

Downright Random

Sometimes kids just want to get out of the classroom, and teachers are more than happy to send them. For the most ridiculous and downright random reasons kids went to the school nurse, feast your eyes on these gems.

  • Eyebrows hurt.
  • Tooth is itchy.
  • Thinks they need their arm amputated.
  • Sweater stuck in braces.
  • Complains of headache whenever we sing Jingle Bells.
  • I almost sneezed.
  • I don’t know why I’m here. My teacher just sent me.
  • Student’s mom sent essential oils to rub on moles on student’s back.
  • Do you have any pregnancy tests?
  • I have a headache because I was swimming yesterday and someone peed in the pool.
  • I think there’s a hair in my mouth.
  • Fell in the toilet.
  • I’m sick because my friend threw up on the bus.

Funny Reasons to Go to the School Nurse

And lastly, I’ve included a few funny exchanges between students and school nurses for an added view of the ridiculousness they have to put up with daily.

Exchange 1

“Needs ointment.” (written on pass by teacher)
Nurse: “What do you need ointment for?”
Student: “I don’t know.”

Exchange 2

Student: “I can’t see the board so my teacher sent me here to tell you.”
Nurse: “How long have you had trouble seeing the board?”
Student: “Just today.”
Nurse: “Only today? Why do you think that is?”
Student: “My friend was sitting in front of me and he’s tall.”

Exchange 3

Student: “When I bend my arm like this it hurts.”
Nurse: “Don’t bend your arm like that.”
Student: “Okay.”

Little boy blowing his nose into a tissue.

Bless You, School Nurses

Are you a school nurse who has seen a handful of ridiculous excuses for students to visit you? We want to hear them! Leave us a comment below.

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Author Bio

Jane Morris is the pen name of a teacher who would really like to tell you more about herself, but she is afraid she’ll lose her job. Jane has taught English for over 15 years in a major American city. She received her B.A. in English and Secondary Education from a well-known university and her M.A. in writing from an even fancier (more expensive) university. She has a loving family and cares about making people laugh more than anything else.

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